The Dallas Briefing sucks

September 19, 2008 at 09:24 AM

The Dallas Briefing sucks. It's essentially garbage thrown into our lawns everyday that no one asked for. I have half a mind to stand out in the front yard and throw my kitchen garbage back at them when they drive past. Or maybe call the city and let them know some car is coming by and littering in our entire neighborhood every freaking day. Some of my more useless neighbors don't even bother to pick it up everyday so there's a pile of four or five of them in their front yard. Nice.

Posted in Personal

Switch Pitcher versus Switch Hitter

June 22, 2008 at 06:56 PM

Minor league baseball game featuring a switch pitcher facing off against a switch hitter.

Hilarity ensues:

And here's the full thing:

Posted in Sports & Video

The origin of Lance Berkman's "Big Puma" nickname

May 19, 2008 at 09:24 PM

Houston sports media personality Lance Zierlein discusses the origins of former Canyon High School baseball star Lance Berkman's excellent Big Puma nickname. Berkman may have learned everything he knows about baseball from a young Brian Behrend, but he's always had the same sense of humor. That sense of humor is the main source of the name Big Puma:

Well the discussion turned to his unfortunate nickname of "Fat Elvis". He told us the story of how a Cub fan threw a Twinkie at him from the bleachers one game and he picked it up, opened the wrapper and ate the Twinkie while the bleacher bums went wild.

However, despite that funny story, Berkman told us he hated the nickname "Fat Elvis" because he was a sleek, agile and graceful athlete.

"I'm more like a puma so I'm not sure why people call me Fat Elvis", complained Berkman.

That's when I started busting out laughing. I mean seriously - when is the last time that someone referenced a puma unless they were talking about shoes? I just said "you're the Big Puma, aren't you?" and Berkman started laughing as well and said "Exactly! I am the Big Puma!"

I like Fat Elvis too, but if Lance prefers Big Puma then that's what I'll call him.

Posted in Sports

13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers

May 12, 2008 at 09:48 PM

Awesome. First thing I'd do with a stolen credit card and after winning at a video game is get me some prostitutes. Well I guess only if I'm a 13-year old boy from Newark, Texas that is:

Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel...

...Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities...

...Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

My favorite part of the whole story is that the dad has decided to reward the kid for this behavior with a trip to DisneyLand. No wonder he's such an outstanding kid.

Posted in Current Affairs & Games

IGN gives Grand Theft Auto 4 perfect 10

April 26, 2008 at 12:43 AM

Only a few more days to wait... Grand Theft Auto 4 comes out April 29th and I'll have it in my hands soon after. The first review is up online and has given the game a perfect 10. The first time in many years that they've handed out that score. Definitely the most excited I've been about playing a game in a long while. Go read the seven page written review or watch the video review below:

GTA4 video review from

Posted in Entertainment & Games & Video

Global Warming is No Longer an Issue

April 19, 2008 at 04:38 PM

Al Gore has done it, he's ended global warming. Annoying liberal idiot Al Sharpton and annoying conservative moron Pat Robertson are sharing a couch together in a new commercial for the Alliance for Climate Protection. Watch the... Continue reading

Posted in Current Affairs & Video

Meet the Family: Christopher Walken Family Reunion

April 13, 2008 at 12:03 PM

Funny Saturday Night Live skit featuring every cast member doing their Christopher Walken impression at a Walken Family reunion: By the way Hulu is actually really nice and SNL is actually funny again.... Continue reading

Posted in Entertainment & Video

Obama "Borrows" For His Speech

February 24, 2008 at 01:21 PM

"It is a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page." "Real love bursting out of every seam." Jaleel White must be furious.... Continue reading

Posted in Humor & Video